August 23 - Amy AKA Spent Gladiator 1

It's Sunday night, I'm tired, I've felt vaguely ill all weekend, and now I have to contend with one of the most enormous sounds Mountain Goats ever did. I first heard this song 3 or 4 years ago and it's been a guiding force in my life since then.

On a personal level, this is an anthem for me because good god have there been points where keeping moving forward - shit, keeping moving in any direction - felt fucking impossible. Just staying alive was the achievement. Doing the things that let that happen was the survival plan. Growing from there and telling the universe to fuck off was aspirational and sometimes achieved. I still feel those moments, and I think about the number of songs the Mountain Goats have about digging through the shit and finding a way out, and how many lives this song and this band have saved.

And then there's Amy. Who came to fame when I was living in the US and had at best intermittent access to British entertainment. Who I saw on episodes of never Mind The Buzzcocks go from a part formed ingenue to someone who was in every sense Going Through It in a matter of maybe 3 years. Who was so fucking talented and so fucking damaged and so fucking doomed and who SHOULDN'T have been doomed. The industry and the world did her no favours. She needed people who loved her without needing things from her, and she was surrounded by so many people who used her that she couldn't see what was happening.

The world is not kind. So we have to be.

Just stay alive.